Caring Because They Do

I would be willing to bet my second favorite dog we all have a loved one — or loved ones — in our lives who has something or someone about which he or she never tires of talking.

Perhaps it is a new baby with the most unusual, uplifting laugh — one that should be recorded for all the world to hear. Or, having falling in love with someone with the most complicated color of hazel eyes the good Lord ever put in a person’s head, he or she finds this person so fascinating that every word this person utters is so profound, intelligent or hilarious, it must be shared.

And you weren’t even that impressed the first time you heard it.

That’s the thing. They are so entranced with their subject matter, they do not notice the plastered smile, eyes that are either vacant or searching the room for an excuse to excuse themselves from the conversation. Because they never tire of talking about it, the notion that you have grown very tired of listening to it never occurs to them.

Often, it is a cause, deeply held belief, personal opinion, or hobby that seems to have taken hold of the part of their brain that controls the act of conversation. The example that immediately comes to mind is my sisters. They make homemade cards. This requires a dizzying array of supplies: a particular kind of paper, limitless writing utensils, stamps, and stickers…I could go on, but that would defeat my point.

Once, while visiting with them, there was a seemingly endless exchange over the type of rooster to use on one of their pieces. Having always thought a yard bird was a yard bird; I discovered I had been laboring under a grossly uninformed misapprehension. There is realistic, cartoon like, etchings in varying colors. Does one use just the head or the entire figure of the foul? To me, the whole experience was foul.

But I bore it as long as I could. They are my sisters. We share parents, memories, and 46 chromosomes. But, good gravy, how long can two women of above average intelligence hold such a conversation? More importantly, what was the duration of my obligation to listen?

Finally, I jumped up, told them I was glad my company did not interrupt their endeavors and stormed out. A few days later, I received a beautiful handmade card in the mail. It said, “We smile because you are our sister. We laugh because there is nothing you can do about it.” And I laughed, too.

No suggestion is made to lose one’s temper or self-control ever in any situation. I should have politely left long before it got to that point. But I am not the example in this anecdote. They are, or rather, the fact that that they chose to find humor in my reaction instead of responding in kind. And they found some amusement in their own behavior as well. Since then, I have teased, chided, even rode the fine line between mock and ridicule. What I once found pointless and unnerving has become…well, kind of cute.

Humor is my go to defense mechanism. Although, I feel compelled to reveal that it is not always well received. Some think I don’t care as much as I should, because they do not realize that, even when I’m drowning in despair or frustration, a clever quip or comic observation is, for me at least, a life jacket.

I might say, “Can I have ten minutes to tell you what happened to me today before we talk about the baby?” But I do not recommend it. As I said, I often offend others. This is not of great concern to me. Take me as I am or take your leave.

There are other, less controversial means to steer subjects in another direction. Try to start and steer the conversation in any other direction. In a social situation, games are always a good idea, especially those of an artistic or intellectual pursuit. It is difficult to rant about global warming when one is trying to remember the only president who never married (James K. Polk).

My most important point is to remember that these are people we care about — even love.

And maintaining a harmonious relationship with them is invaluable. In the words of Shakespeare, who put everything better than I, “Its worth’s unknown, although its height be taken.”

So, when you can and as long as you can, listen. When those closest to us hurt, we hurt. When they are happy, we are happy. So when they care about something, so should we…even if we cannot bring ourselves to care quite so much. After all, they care enough about us to open the curtains and give us a peek through the window to their souls by sharing the things that matter most to them.

Through this perspective, the tirades become part of that person who is essential to our lives. This makes finding the amusing and even a point of common ground much easier. We have to admit, that baby is precious. Who wouldn’t be thrilled if our single friend or family member did finally find “the one”? And, come to think of it, grandmother’s right. These girls today should wear more clothes. And there are easier ways to get a young man’s attention than the way they are dancing.

And, lest we forget, there may be a thing or two that interests us others might not find so fascinating. Maybe we haven’t noticed, because we weren’t paying attention to their plastered smiles and wandering eyes. But they were too polite to say anything. Or they genuinely care because we do. They deserve the same.