For the past two weeks, I’ve been sharing some tactics we can use to find more enjoyment and less stress in the holidays. These are the final two.  

Tactic Five: You don’t have to do everything perfectly.

One of the dumbest things I used to tell my kids was, “It is a sin to do less than your best.” My intent was to encourage them when they had a less than optimal grade on a test or school project. I would tell them if a C was their best, a C was acceptable, and they couldn’t get an A+ every time. The second part of my statement was true, but the first? Not so much. I shake my head today at the pressure I used to put on them.

The unreasonable pressure we put on ourselves during the holidays sometimes astonishes me as well. Who told us we had to produce the “perfect” tree or the “perfect” meal or the “perfect” party or the “perfect….” Well, you get the idea. And who decides when it’s perfect anyway? Our internal critic?  “It” (whatever “it” is) doesn’t have to be done by a certain time or in a certain way in order for “it” to be ok.

And there is no perfect gift. A lot of the best memories my kids have from their childhood have to do with the things we did together. We never had much money, so the memories we made weren’t tied up in the latest gadgets or designer clothes. Instead, we cooked for and had a Christmas Eve buffet. We drank eggnog and went caroling, we visited the nursing home and we all sang “Silent Night” together before they went to bed.

It wasn’t perfect then, and it isn’t perfect now. And it doesn’t have to be. So your family situation isn’t perfect. So your house isn’t spotless. So your Christmas tree looks like a Charlie Brown special. So the gifts are few and not expensive. So what. For me, for today, I’ve decided to stop striving for perfection and start rejoicing in the beauty of the season.

Why don’t you join me by pouring some eggnog or by making a pot of hot chocolate, topping it with marshmallows and making some memories? You’ll find your spirit lifted and perhaps you’ll even begin to experience the joy of this beautiful Christmas holiday. If you’re looking for me, you’ll find me in the dairy section of Publix. I’ll be the one with the eggnog.

Tactic Six: Put yourself in “Time Out”

I’ve never been a big believer in putting a child in “Time Out” for misbehaving. Having said that, I hasten to add there are some benefits to “Time Out.” When any child is over-tired or over-stimulated, it’s really hard, perhaps impossible for him or her to control their behavior. Add stress to the mix, and it goes out of the spectrum. To expect acceptable, cheerful behavior is unreasonable. We know that about kids, but it’s equally true about adults.

Harry and I had lunch out yesterday, and I didn’t see anyone bubbling over with Christmas spirit…quite the opposite. Cars were blaring their horns, mothers were impatient with excited kids, couples were growling at each other, everyone I saw seemed to be alone…even those in a group and I don’t think I saw even one person smiling or singing Christmas carols. “Happy” Holidays? Not so much, but why?

Like our kids, we are over-worked, over-tired, and over-stimulated…not to mention stressed. None of those things results in quiet contentment, never mind joy in the Christmas season or any joy at all.

Stressed, tired people are not usually pleasant, and you and I are no exception. Who could blame us for being irritable? But instead of growling and snapping at the people we love or even at strangers, maybe we need to put ourselves in “Time Out,” not as a punishment, but as a survival tool.

Turn off the computer and Fox or CNN and just look at the Christmas tree. Turn the radio on to some Christmas music, or go for a ride and look at the Christmas lights. Sit and pet the cat or snuggle one of your kids or grandkids and think about how rich you really are. You and I and everyone connected to us will benefit from our taking some time apart before we “come apart.”

Take some time to meditate on the message of Christmas by going to a Christmas cantata or going to a church service. And slow down.  Giving ourselves permission to exit the “race” toward December 25 and meditating on the real meaning of Christmas might just give us a real “Happy Holiday.”