This is not about one’s own children. They send all senses, common and otherwise, out the window like a tiny wren chased by a hungry cat. Sometimes the parent is the wren. Sometimes, the cat.

This is about your child’s friends, teammates, club members, or any other children not your own of whom you may find yourself temporarily responsible. Hosting children, if one gives careful, deliberate consideration to the matter, seems a daunting task.

So, just don’t be so careful and deliberate.

It is pressing on the parents to make any specific rules, conditions or other facts the host may need to know during the arrangement of the visit. It is critical on you to carry them out. Unless you find them unreasonable. Then you find yourself in the more than a little uncomfortable situation of extricating yourself from the situation. But more than a little uncomfortable beats potentially disastrous by any standard of measurement.

The older the children get, the more variables, the more complicated things get. Did they mention PG-13 movies? Boy-girl parties? Visitors of the opposite gender? When it doubt, ALWAYS call. None of us wants to believe these little angels are capable of telling untruths to get their way, let alone that it can spew from their mouths like water from the mat of a Slip and Slide. So, don’t admit it. Just call.

The real dilemma is the children of our relatives, who are also our relatives. I adore all my nieces and nephews. I like to think most people feel the same way. And some of us feel that love or any contribution we have made to the children’s well being gives us the right to voice and even act on our opinions without the consent or even knowledge of their parents. It doesn’t.

As a loving aunt, conceiver and organizer of all the trips to petting zoos and drive-ins, and readily available free babysitter, I was entitled to the appreciation, affection, and respect of my sisters and their children. And that is all. When they were scolded at times I thought was unnecessary or I didn’t approve of what their parents permitted, I left the room with my teeth piercing my tongue.

It twisted my heart like a balloon being fashioned into the likeness of a poodle to tell them, “No.” There were even times I was tempted to say, “Okay, but this is our little secret.” Then, I remembered eventually I would have to look their mother’s in the eyes. That made it a little easier to answer in the negative.

Every good parent puts careful, if not agonizing, thought into every aspect of their children’s lives: physical, mental, emotional health, self esteem, the influences with which they are surrounded, what examples they set, the values they impart. And I haven’t even scratched the surface of this nearly infinite list. To question one decision they have made is to question them all. To make and act on any decisions, however honorable your intentions, is to violate a sacred trust: the trust, already established, is to enforce the rules and wishes of the parents who entrusted their most precious jewel into your care.

So, if Suzie looks a little thin to you, assume her parents are planning to address, have already addressed, or may have worries they do not need reinforced by unsolicited opinions. If her brother’s hair looks shaggy and his pants look saggy to you, assume they’ve considered the matter. They have probably discussed it with him and decided that, it meaning so much to him, his self-esteem is more important than appearances.

Clearly, if you suspect genuine abuse, call the proper authorities, not the parents. Those calls are kept anonymous. Short of that — and this is what I have always said instead of “Mind your own business,” — I really don’t think you should worry about it. They communicate the same thing. But the second sounds so much nicer, I think.

If it is something that is not abuse but still bothering you so much you simply cannot hold your tongue any longer, perhaps you need more in your life and should consider volunteer work. Or you can refer to the rule regarding just anybody’s kids, make a call, and voice your concerns. But do not make this decision lightly. You may get a, “I really don’t think you should worry about that,” or a “How dare you,” and a few less diners at your next holiday dinner.

ACT on your concerns without permission, consent, or knowledge or the parent, primary caretaker, or legal guardian? Sorry. You are on your own. I know you mean well and hope you will be remembered for it.