Most marriages are built on the foundation of infatuation, otherwise known as sexual attraction. More proper people will call it “chemistry.” Let’s face it; most of us didn’t know what love was when we first got married. We were totally wrapped up in our fiancé and we were willing to commit the rest of our lives to them. Of course 60% of us didn’t really mean it when we said, “for better or for worse.” (And that is the percentage of divorces of church going Christians!)



I think we are seeing so many divorces today because of the law of commonality.

The law of commonality simply states that “strong relationships are built on strong common bonds.” Unfortunately for most Americans, infatuation is not a strong common bond.

Common sense proves this law. We select friendships based on commonalities. We may play a sport with them, we may work with them, growing up we were in the same class and liked to do the same things. Police officers from different states and countries have an automatic bond between them when they meet. Why? Because they have similar experiences that most of the world’s population doesn’t. The same holds true for war veterans!

We can look at history and see this law in action. Strong nations are built on commonalities. “United we stand, divided we fall!” Our nation was strong when we were a melting pot; when different cultures came together and found common ground. We began to fall apart when we changed to a “salad bowl” back in the 1980’s and started claiming that by celebrating our differences we would become a stronger nation!

Did you know that most first marriages are based on infatuation while more second marriages are based on friendship? Teenagers think it’s gross to be attracted to a friend of the opposite sex. The truth is that when they are ready to look for a life long mate, their greatest chances of success will come from finding a friend to fall in love with! The most successful marriages are those who enjoy doing things together.

Even scripture talks about this law. 2 Corinthians 6:14 states “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” Our friendships, our dating relationships, our marriages will all find more success if we simply submit to this truth. It starts with the commonality of Christianity, but it doesn’t stop there. God wants us to enjoy each other and gives us a guideline to find friends and spouses that we have a lot in common with!

Ignoring the law of commonality will develop weak relationships. Weak relationships increase divorce, strife and it can even destroy nations!

You may have started your marriage off with infatuation, but you can still begin to explore each other’s interests and find those activities and values you have in common. Focusing on your differences will tear you apart and leave you and your children in the wake of divorce. But by finding those common threads and focusing your attention there, you will find more enjoyment in your relationship and that can lead to discovering commonalities you never knew you had!