Relationship Protectors

Published 9:16 am Thursday, August 27, 2009

The pocket protector got a raw deal! Think about it; what a great invention! Problem: pens leak and leave ink spots all over your shirt. In marches the plastic insert to save the day! And it did a good job until it became of the official sponsor the annual nerd convention. Some marketing guy thought they would sell a ton of merchandise. Unfortunately they didn’t have a long term vision of what that would mean to sales. (I made that last part up!)

There is a truth to be found here though, and that is how things that are set in place to protect us are usually uncomfortable to put in place. Seat belts are a perfect example; I can’t stand them! However, I am willing to make my family go through the torture of wearing them because it protects what is precious to me.

Protectors may be a pain, but they become worthwhile when what they protect is high on our priority list. For example, you may think wearing a pocket protector is a little geeky; however, if you ruined three shirts a week costing you close to a hundred dollars each week looking a little geeky would probably be worth the amount of money you would save.

Usually the “pain” that the protector causes is minimal. If you asked if I wanted a pocket protector I would probably turn it down, even though the truth is that I know several people who utilize pocket protectors and I have never once thought, “Man, that makes him look dorky!” I just haven’t experienced enough ink spots or ripped pockets to make using a pocket protector worthwhile.

Just as there are plastic inserts to protect our pockets and seat belts to protect ourselves from greater injury if involved in an accident, there are also relationship protectors:

– Reflective Listening

– Boundary Setting

– Assertiveness

– Sorting Through Emotional Baggage

Each of these life skills involves effort, practice and risk; none of which is fun! What I find interesting is that most people are not interested in learning these and other life skills unless their relationship is in jeopardy.

If you ask young couples who the most important person on earth is, they will usually say each other. Unfortunately, most of them won’t make any effort to protect their relationship by learning how to communicate better, or to sort through the emotional baggage they brought into the relationship.

Which bears the question, “What is more important, not being bothered or making sure your relationship will remain healthy?” If it’s not being bothered, then the most important person on earth to you is you.

Waiting until your relationship is in crisis to set up relationship protectors is often too late. Even if you can salvage the relationship it will bear unnecessary scars. It is never too late to learn life skills to protect your relationship from further damage, but it is a matter of priority. I encourage you to take the time to learn a new life skill: read a book, attend a seminar, or see a counselor.

Remember, it is much easier to manage a relationship than it is to repair one!



Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the Founder of Family Works Counseling.