Editor’s note: Before this week, I had never read this piece by Shonda Bowman Wright. I knew about it from the day we first met, though. She told me to go find it.

It was published in the News-Aegis in either 2012 or 2013, and it took some time to unearth. I’m running it now, during Mental Health Awareness Month and on the anniversary of her death, May 12, 2015, for good reason. Shonda was a constant advocate for mental health awareness. She fought clinical depression almost all her life, and she lost that fight. But throughout the struggle, her message was always the same, and you’ll find it in this piece. Take the time to learn from a wonderful person who sincerely wanted to help others – to remind them that support is out there and that they should never be ashamed to ask for it.

“With the advances in modern medicine and science, depression is now more treatable than ever,” she writes below. “I realize that by writing this, I risk the condemnation of some people who might still believe that depression is “all in your head,” or that a person just has some “spiritual flaw” that needs to be corrected. I am willing to accept that risk if just one person reads this and gets the help that they need before it is too late.”

– Jeff Thompson

Since the age of 14, I have suffered from an illness called major or clinical depression.

This is an illness that affects millions of Americans every day. It is a real illness, just as cancer and diabetes are, yet some people still regard it as more of a “weakness” or “fault” of some kind.

Fortunately, through education and more public awareness, now only uneducated or ignorant people see clinical depression in that way. Most people now realize that if someone suffers from depression, that does not mean they are “crazy” or “insane,” but they have a very real condition that can in some cases be fatal.

The reason I am writing about this now, is that after many years of feeling “cured,” my depression has returned. I find it extremely difficult just to get out of bed and take a shower every morning.

I consider it a great feat if I’m able to get my children to school every day and show up for work. It’s like I have some huge weight dragging me down and a dark cloud hanging over me that just won’t go away.

Things that would normally make me very happy no longer do. I cry constantly for no reason. I can’t sleep, and I have to force myself to eat. But unless I was sharing all this with you, you wouldn’t know how bad I feel, because I put on an act to keep up the appearance that all is well.

I do this because I don’t want to worry my friends and family and because it’s hard to admit when you have a problem such as this. Even knowing that my depression is a real medical ill-ness, still doesn’t stop the shame and embarrassment that I sometimes feel because of it.

When a person’s depression gets very severe, there is often another taboo subject that comes up, and that is suicide. I have been so depressed – so hopeless at times – that even when it looked like I had the world at my feet, I have attempted suicide.

My last suicide attempt was eight years ago; I was clinically dead for several minutes. I had no pulse, no heartbeat, no respiration (breathing), and I had lost almost every pint of blood in my body. But through the grace of God, and because I had literally thousands of people praying for me, and because of some amazing doctors at UAB Hospital, I survived.

I have often questioned why God allowed me to live. I’m not that great of a Christian. I have sinned much in my life, and there really isn’t anything special about me at all. But I think I have finally glimpsed a bit of the reason behind God’s wisdom in letting me live.

It is so that I can share my story with others who suffer silently from this terrible illness, and let them know that they are not alone and that there is hope.

As many of you know, I also work at the local radio station here in Pell City, 94.9 FM (now 94.1). Part of our job at the station is to announce the deaths of local residents. What we do not announce is the way that they died. Since I have been employed there, I have learned that there have been numerous fatalities due to suicide. Out of respect to the families, I will certainly not mention any names, but I will say that each of those deaths could have possibly been prevented if they or their families had just known a little bit more about depression and how to handle it.

I do not dare suggest that they or their family members did anything wrong. I’m just saying that perhaps if they had known more about depression, and if they had known that they were not alone in it, that things might have turned out differently.

That is why I am writing this column.

I want people to know that they are not alone, that there is help, that things do get better, and that the main thing you need to do is let someone know how you feel. I am no expert, but I have dealt with this condition for most of my life and I want people to know what I’ve been through and what has helped me in the hope that if there is just one person out there right now who feels as I have, that they will get help.

Depression is an equal-opportunity illness. It doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, young or old, black or white, male or female. It can affect anyone at any time. It is often brought on by some sort of personal trauma – the death of a loved one, a divorce, a job loss, or a break-up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is normal to feel “down” or “get the blues” when these things occur. But when these feelings last for over two weeks and you just seem to get more hopeless, then it is time to get professional help. Depression can be treated with medication and/or therapy – usually a combination of both.

Life is worth living, even though it may not seem that way now. You can make it through this and come out a better and stronger person than you were before. I have read or heard comments from people who believe that individuals who attempt suicide are selfish, self-absorbed, and care only about themselves. I have to disagree with that. When I attempted suicide, I honestly believed that my family, including my three precious children, would be better off without me. I thought that I was such a horrible and worthless person that I was just a burden to everyone and there was no reason for me to stay alive.

That is how distorted and debilitating a person’s thinking can become when they are depressed.

Of course, when I got help and my depression lifted, I was horrified at what I had put my family through. But it doesn’t always have to be that way.

Call a friend, call your doctor, call your preacher, call a stranger – it doesn’t matter who you call, just call. You can also contact your local mental health agency, or the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). There is always someone out there who cares.

With the advances in modern medicine and science, depression is now more treatable than ever. I realize that by writing this, I risk the condemnation of some people who might still believe that depression is “all in your head,” or that a person just has some “spiritual flaw” that needs to be corrected. I am willing to accept that risk if just one person reads this and gets the help that they need before it is too late.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you, and please keep me and my family in your prayers.

Medical Resources:

Glenn Magargee, LPC

(205) 913-0628

J.B.S. Mental Health Authority

(205) 595-4555

jbsmha.com

Eastside Mental Health Center

(205) 338-7525, Pell City Office

eastsidemhc.org

Crisis Lines and chats:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

(800) 273-8255

Birmingham Crisis Center

(205) 323-7777

crisiscenterbham.org

Lifeline Crisis Chat

crisischat.org

IMAlive

imalive.org