Growing up there was one name we all wanted to be called, “Cool!” As teenagers we did everything we could to be cool and to fit in. Remember the Member’s Only jacket? Man, when I was in eighth grade all the cool kids had one; of course, I didn’t.



In ninth grade I can remember seeing kids walking around wearing Van Halen T-shirts. I had never seen these shirts before and it seemed like everywhere I looked I saw someone wearing one. I stopped someone I didn’t know and asked him where he got it. He said, “At the Van Halen concert last night!” I said, “Cool!” and walked off thinking, “who in the heck is Van Halen?”



I may not have known at the beginning of that day, but I assure you I not only knew who they were, but could name some of their most popular songs! Why? Because I wanted to be cool! Everyone knew, so I needed to know too!



Hopefully we grow out of the need to fit in and be cool by the time we reach adulthood, but the truth is that many people don’t. They never got over their insecurities and their self esteem is still in the tank. They may not look like it on the outside, but on the inside they operate just like they did in high school, trying to fit in, wanting to be cool.



Just because they have children doesn’t mean that things suddenly change. Add a divorce to that and you have dramatically decreased the adults self esteem and increased their need to be accepted. Then their children become teenagers. Now the real rejection starts. I don’t care what most teenagers think about you, yours will think you are totally un-cool and a stick in the mud at some point in your relationship.



Some parents try to make up for this by doing things that make them look cool in the eyes of their teenagers. A growing number of these parents are hosting parties where the children are allowed to drink alcohol. They live by the philosophy, “I’d rather them drink here than somewhere else. At least here I can watch them.”



This has become such a problem that laws were implemented back in the 1990’s that held parents responsible for parties held at their homes if alcohol was served. Being in the privacy of your own home doesn’t make it ok anymore.



This is becoming such a problem that organizations like Safe Harbor in Birmingham, Alabama have put together a campaign to make teenagers and adults aware that parents can be arrested for allowing alcohol to be consumed on their property.



If your church or civic organization would like to know more about this topic or have Safe Harbor come and speak at your next meeting, simply contact Donna Parker at (205) 981-0995, or visit them on the web at www.thesafeharbor.org.



If you find yourself fighting the desire to fit in with your teenager; desiring to be their buddy instead of their parent, find someone to help you build your self esteem. Fitting in with your teenager won’t make you feel any better than fitting in with the popular crowd would have back in high school. And with laws the way they are now, you can’t afford to be that cool!



Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the founder of Family Works Counseling.